I KNOW I could look back on my years of blog posts and find plenty that
I try to describe "the funk" and all the many ways I try to climb out of it.
But darn if I'm not in that stupid funk again!
I can confirm it because the most beautiful things that usually move me,
don't seem to have much impact. I am kind of being numb to them.
It's a terrible picture, but I grabbed my phone at the stop sign by my house to try and capture the sunrise, it was a spread of spectacular colors.
I kept telling myself, "finally spring is coming and this will help you feel better". But I am not a spring fever kind of gal...
instead I grumble...
it is just a reminder of all that has to be done OUTSIDE my house,
when I can't seem to keep up inside my house (weeds, pruning, mowing, dog poo no longer avoided by the excuse of covered snow, uggg)
I LOVE the snow, we didn't get nearly enough snow this winter.
I will have to pack up my favorite sweatshirts,
Oh I love a soft cozy sweatshirt and snuggling up with a fuzzy dog.
The heat is on it's way, I hate to sweat! Hate it!
And being so sick this winter (well only the past few weeks, but it feels like all winter at this point) I was on stupid (or necessary, depending on how you look at it) medications that made me sweat all the time...
so I am really NOT looking forward to the heat
or the blinding sun...
I NEED good sunglasses, but don't want to spend good money to get them.
(yep, good ones make a difference... try it, your eyes will love you) but UGGGGGG.
So um yeah, it's a pretty good sign I'm in a funk when the thought of a beautiful renewing Spring day through a sunrise, sends me in to such a "gripe fest"...
WOW!
So I've been "dragging" myself to anything and everything that would help me to feel grateful for all that I have and all that God has given me...
Hoping that it would keep me afloat until the funk passed.
Jim is involved in many opportunities of service through his calling as the High Priest Group Leader, and I KNOW that serving others is a sure way to forget yourself (and the funk) and he deals with many welfare issues as our Bishop directs, so I try to be by his side to help when he needs me and he is my number one inspiration and helps me get out of my funk on a regular basis in short spurts anyway.
But I have to be careful, because while it is always good to serve others, I have to remember he has the mantle of his particular calling, and when I begin to ask too much or overstep my bounds to be by his side... I am quickly overwhelmed and my heart aches for situations and circumstances beyond my control. The Lord supports him and gives him the ability to manage these things in his heart, but for me without that mantle, it becomes a burden on my heart and my heart breaks and leaves me in the corner in a pile of tears sobbing and in a melted state of goo. Not particularly helpful to my funk, and quite a setback actually.
Our Stake invited Janice Kapp Perry to come, and I had seen advertisements in the halls at church for a couple of weeks, but I didn't know her, I didn't know if she would be speaking or singing or what it would be, so unless I was totally board, I had decided I probably wasn't going. It was a Saturday morning at 10am I felt I should be home and take care to clean my house and make it feel like a home again, that would be a better use of my time and help defeat the funk the best.
... but Friday night before the program we were cleaning the church building to prepare for the coming of this "important guest" and I heard a friend talking about how she was coming early and bringing her daughter, and they would try to sit up front for the best view and the softest seats. She is someone I admire allot, and so it made me think twice about my decision to blow this off. It sounded like it was important, maybe even fun, and I should be there.... so I went, it was amazing and awesome and uplifting and yes, very fun... I laughed and cried (a great combination to release some funk) and I left wanting to make small and simple goals to move forward and find something in my life that was meaningful to me and pursue a way to enjoy it every week!
With no idea what that would be... but Im still searching.
I found This video and it is an absolutely great and awesome interview and her and tells much of her life story and her testimony that was solidified through music. It's long, but come back and watch it instead of a mindless tv program later and you will be glad you did !!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the story of the music she put to President Hinckley's poem and the timing of the approval and connection to him. He was the president of the church when I was baptized and he reminded me soooo much of my grandfather, I LOVE him! And so that one was one of my favorites. I also love the drawing she did or had done of her family after her kids had grown, which included a son she lost as an infant just a few hours old. That was so neat to me, to visualize your family that way, and I love that she never ever forgets his place in her family, even from Heaven. That's is the perfect testimony of a forever family, it transcends the veil. Super huge testimony builder to me to hear her talk about it, even though I have never been in that situation, it touched me.
Something else I have drug myself to do, is increase my Temple attendance.
I don't share this for cuddo's at all, I have lots to work on (maybe going with pure intent instead of DRAGGING would be a good step... hey I'm working on it, but yeah a long way to go), but I hope by verbalizing it, I will be more accountable. And try to reach for a goal to double my temple attendance.
I love the Temple and being there is a definite boost to oppose the funk.
Yesterday my strong silent mysterious man went camping with his bff and the boy scouts and the high priest group had extended an invitation and set up an appointment to do initiatories and he couldn't go, so I drug myself to an 8pm assignment.... ugg way past my bedtime (well when I get home it would be) and I really really wanted some quiet time alone... at home (mostly to cry and sulk with a movie and a big pizza all to myself) but I knew my time and my spirit would be better served at the Temple.
I was glad I went.... I knew I would be glad, that's why I drug myself there.
But this funk is a bad one, I was still kind of numb leaving the temple and not on the highest of highs like I am normally when I leave the temple.
So I know, I will have to keep plugging away to fight the funk.
But I also know if I keep doing all the right things I will get there.
The Lord never leaves us alone (especially not with our funk)!
